A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
