So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
