i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
