He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Drunk is not a location!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize