she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
