Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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