New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
