I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
