He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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