Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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