jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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