Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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