So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
