never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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