i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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