Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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