I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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