Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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