lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
