Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
