sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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