is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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