dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
