Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
