Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
not ubering you a puppy
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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