no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
