There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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