loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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