meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
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