I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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