if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
