perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize