I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
