just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
