you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
