i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
