get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
