why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
