I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
