Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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