i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
