If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
