I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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