Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
