What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
