You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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