duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
