making cat noises will not fix the situation.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he quoted the bible to break up with me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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