Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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