yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
