so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
