After last night, I could never be a politician.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
