It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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