You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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