Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
