Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
