i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
