so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
