why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
