I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
