So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
