it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
