If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
