I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
