atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i think i just lost a toe
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
