3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
