Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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