I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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