OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Houston, we have a blender
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
