My sheets look like a crime scene.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
