Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
