There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
