im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
