Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
