No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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